Smile in the Storm
Sometimes I think of life as the ocean. There are periods when the tides are gentle, playfully splashing against the shore. The sun is out, the breeze is calm, and you pause to breathe it all in. But other times, the storm encroaches. The winds howl, the waves pound mercilessly, and all you can do is hold on.
Last semester, life started out smooth sailing. I was doing exceptionally well in my classes, and I made it to the final interview round for my dream company. Sure, there were challenges, but for the most part, I was on top of the world. I joked to an ISCF Exco member, “If I get a job offer from this company, I’ll serve as a CGL next semester.” It was something I said without much thought – I was half-joking.
However, unexpectedly the waves fiercened. I made blunders in the final examinations, and I had an unexpectedly tough interview. In the end, I didn’t get the job offer. Yet, my friend remembered my “joke” about becoming a CGL and asked if I was still willing to serve. After seeking advice, I agreed, mainly because I love trying out new experiences.
I would’ve loved to say that my life was magically blessed after that, but it did not turn out that way. There were moments when I felt like I was drowning. And every time I’d start to regain my footing; adversity would strike me down again. With each wave, my heart sank deeper. Anger built up as I prayed but it felt like heaven was silent – as if my cries for help were met with indifference.
However, the topics for CG this semester resonated with me, and some of them helped me to find the answers I was looking for. Since I was teaching the material, I had to internalize it deeper than if I was just listening. One memorable session was on the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard, as it came during a time when I felt that God was being unfair to me. My other friends received good offers and I still had nothing. But the parable helped me understand that God’s generosity isn’t bound to human notions of fairness, and it helped me to heal spiritually.
Even now as I’m writing this, the storms of life haven’t fully passed. The winds are still roaring and the waters are still turbulent. Yet, I no longer face this storm alone as I’ve regained faith in Christ. The hardships are still here, but so is God.
Serving as a CGL has changed how I view ministry. I thought those who served had a calmness in them that came because they were in control. But now I think that calmness comes from trusting in God, even without having everything figured out.
As I look toward the horizon, gasping for air and shivering in this cold storm, I crack a little smile. Because I know – no matter how fierce life is – God is with me.
– John Russell Himawan, NUS Computer Science, Year 4
